Breathe in, breathe out.

I'm walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind on the border line of the edge and where i walk alone Read between the lines what's fucked up and everything's all right check my vital signs to know i'm still alive and i walk alone This week hasn't been pleasant so far. There are too many things happening but not going well as planned. I've never felt so caught between issues before and I come out feeling incredibly stupid. This whole situation is plain ridiculous. Been made use of and I just... let it happen. Like whuuuut, Elizabeth hello wake up?!?!? I really tried my best but WHY AM I STILL SCREWING UP?! Shitty week. Shitty brains. Shitty time management skills. Shitty issues .

\Shit/ \Happens/ \For/ \A/ \Reason/ \O/ \AHHHHHHHHHH/ :(

11:11 and spending it alone (Y) (due to the above reasons hahahaha lyfe sucks) HAHAHAHAHAH aiming to graduate with double bachelors in 2014!

Way too many ups and downs recently. Sudden state of melancholy after feeling very excited over things . There is so much that I want to change about myself. I need to stop procrastinating, start replying messages (!!!) and stop lagging. This was after the realization that karma is biting my ass back. Owellz back to acquaintances again. Don't know why he freaking initiates AND DOESN'T BOTHER REPLYING. Time difference isn't a good enough reason for a 48hr and counting lag grrrrr. Getting more and more intimidated whenever I walk around in school. Hate the fact that I still don't know my way around. And am in a place with so many foreigners I feel like Im the minority. AND FEELING STUPID. CY was telling M the elitist way of thinking so as to cope with this stress but I don't even think it will help. I don't think where we come from matters here actually. Unless we get special treatment like what S says, AC boys help to polish RJ girls' shoes hahahahah (Y) Yea ...

Fuck my life.

Fears Aplenty. Niggling thoughts at the back of the mind. Shallow and unfounded (or is it justified already?) worries. False alarm, not. >:'(

The problem is, I want to stop feeling. Why feel when happiness is short-lived anyway. Don't want to risk falling any deeper. I am the only one who can pull myself out of this shithole. Need to get out of this glass bubble and face reality, look deeper into things and finally realise that humanity is not what it appears to be. Hypocrites, we are. Backstabbers, liars, leeches, bitches, jerks... Problems of a first world country hurhur. Seeking perfection in every way possible is akin to riding on the path of insanity. Frigging give up on everything. So many goddamn formulas to remember for EG1109 MA1505 PC1431. Gonna be the one supporting the bell curve for the cheena pongzzzz, bloody hell. Monday was self-declared pon GEM lecture (again, omg for the 4th time consecutively?) and macs breakfast with GEM people! A eats likka kid deprived of hotcakes omg. Drenching everything in maple syrup omg yucks. Dinner was with KP, T, S and C as usual. S is likka retard omg sucks to have his surn...

Body aching so fucking badly, eyes screaming of fatigue, mouth tastes too rancid from a day of mad detox (albeit unwanted and untimely), but still not throwing in the towel just yet. Shall continue with the caffeine pumping. I want to see how long this can last. Sleep cycle so far has been something like this: 8pm-12am thur, 1am-6am sat, 5am-8am sunday (Y) Fyeah 15 more slides to go for EG1109. Fml. Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

i realise i tend to back off once i get emotionally attached to people. cannot seem to let anyone in completely. still tumblr-ing (if there's such a word) until i feel satisfied HAHA.

To death we are hastening. Another avenue beckons, for a while.

‘In fact,’ said Mustapha Mond, ‘you’re claiming the right to be unhappy.’ ‘All right, then,’ said the Savage defiantly, ‘I’m claiming the right to be unhappy.’ ‘Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphilis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen tomorrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of every kind.’ There was a long silence. ‘I claim them all,’ said the Savage at last. Mustapha Mond shrugged his shoulders. ‘You’re welcome,’ he said. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley Please let Saturday come and go soon. Stupid quiz >:( Masteringphysics in 5 minutes flat. Record time cos T supplied answers hahahahah (Y) Ponning lectures like no one's business. Tmr could've been another self-declared off day, if not for that stupid assignment to submit >:( EG1109 shearstressshearstrainnormalstressnormalstrainuniax...

from http://www.flickr.com/photos/stopgostopgo/4577564501/sizes/o/in/pool-1402371@N24/ And it hurts so bad that I search my skin For the entry point, where love went in And ricocheted and bounced around And left a hole when you walked out yeah This week's gonna suck so bad. Gonna be so freaking hard-pressed for time that I don't even have time for myself (=shopping and threading date with M. Holy cow we have been hairy eyebrow monsters *points below* for the past 2 months) Monday- consultation, biz meeting Tuesday- consultation, musical Wednesday- prog exam Thursday- tuition Friday- bbq Sat- EG1109 quiz, tuition, class dinner ^^ Hope that I can make it for class dinner damn it, the tuition kid's mum is being a complete biatchhhhhhh about the tuition timings. Die die must also put it on a Saturday even though she's free on a Sunday :( Amidst the busy-ness, I guess I'm slowly letting go of things and memories. Thrashed a couple of letters, deleted the photos... Can...

Woke up late today, and I still feel the sting of the pain. But I brushed my teeth anyway, Got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face. I got a little bit stronger. Riding in the car to work, and I'm trying to ignore the hurt. So I turned on the radio, Stupid song made me think of you, I listened to it for minute, but I changed it. I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger. And I'm done hoping that we can work it out, I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels Letting you drag my heart around. I'm done thinking, that you could ever change. I know my heart will never be the same, But I'm telling myself I'll be okay. Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger. Doesn't happen over night, But you turn around and a months gone by, And you realize you haven't cried. I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger. ***** Screwed up CS Mini PE. BOTH MY PROGRAMS CO...

PROGRAMMING. BANE OF MY LYFE. Felt quite happy after compiling and there werent serious errors, editted abit and executed. BUT HOLYCOWWWWWW THIS WAS WHAT HAPPENED: ARGH !*&^%$#@#$%^&*(!*&^%$#@$%^&*(@^%$#$#%^&*()$(*&^#$

you just told me a big fat fucking lie. something that had me on cloud 9 for 4 fucking days. then you had your share of fun and decided it was the end. stop torturing me with your nonchalant replies. you were the fucking one who initiated the conversation and i bothered to fucking reply. this is what i get from you. pure shit. just let me get on with life. please. i am not your toy. you said you like it the fucking way it is and so now im telling you, i like how my life is now. without your presence. my life can go on, without you. i don't need your pity.

4 days. Everything but nothing happened. I was being VERY delusional, something that M warned me against. He meant the world to me. But alas, what I was in his eyes is probably the opposite. ***** Talking to YH and D is like getting suanned in the face a thousand times over and over again. Fyeah I need a tan, lose my lorry tyre (wtf?!?!), dress like a 19 YO... Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

an unexpected email from the sister :') Contain your misery to the point when you're an emotional wreck. That sense of emptiness haunts me. I cannot feel a thing; except for bouts of jealousy that come stabbing at the heart. Slit the wrists a thousand times over and over again. Let the blood all drain out in you. Then you will never feel a single thing ever again. Not like you'll ever care again, as a lover. Slowly coming to terms with the truth. Today I am sleepless.

Somebody told me you were leavin’ I didn’t know Somebody told me you’re unhappy But it doesn’t show Somebody told me that you don’t want me no more So you’re walkin’ out the door Nobody told me you’ve been cryin’ Every night Nobody told me you’d been dyin’ But didn’t want to fight Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me So I’m settin’ you free Let me be the one to break it up So you won’t have to make excuses We don’t need to find a set up where Someone wins and someone loses We just have to say our love was true But has now become a lie So I’m tellin’ you I love you one last time And goodbye Somebody told me you still loved me Don’t know why Nobody told me that you only Needed time to fly Somebody told me that you want to come back when Our love is real again Just turn around and walk away You don’t have to live like this But if you love me still then stay Don’t keep me waiting for that final kiss We can work together through this test Or we can work through it apart I just n...

Sleep, and everything will turn out fine. *photos ripped from TF's fb album (Y) Why. So. Dao. :'( Macs breakfast with A, M and D crashed! Then Horlicks Mcflurry with M! Fellow SugarRush fan. And Almond one too yay! Utown Starbucks with M and T! T couldn't find any eye candy at Technoedge, after sitting there alone stoning for 15 min(?) Go back to med hahahaha got your D there hehe. No-carbz diet marked its premature death today. How the time passed away, all the trouble that we gave And all those days we spent out by the lake Has it all gone to waste, all the promises we made One by one they vanish just the same Fatigue, coupled with random highs and extreme lows today. *sad face* Need to dig a hole to bury myself. Did the dumbest thing today. Hate how I always act on impulse. THOU SHALT NOT... youknowwhat. Till the day I resolve to stay emotionless.

Keep hold of what we've got, little dreamers. Stomach queasy as of 0319 -.- Purge. Purge. Purge. Idk whether to feel glad or not ha ha ha eating junk food at night=stomach cannot tolerate=nothing absorbed? STILL HAVE NOT STARTED ON TAKEHOMELAB. Srsly think (this is probably the 1249328957th time) that my brain is NOT wired to do any programming shitzzz at all, compared to M (who pons lectures and skips tutorials, and who shares the same sex as me but with a brain that can do C programming). Goodbye sleeeeep: imparo tut 4, masteringphysics tut 3, ib tut 3, maths tut 5, cs tut 3 (wayyy overdue) &4, cs takehomelab (due today lolol), review physics tut 2 solutions Sailing away from me like melting snow in my hair I miss your touch, Trying to sew up a love that was built on the sun I miss you so much Like a fire burns to embers I know this is where it ends In the ashes we are dying Almost strangers only friends Voices speaking within the mind, so hard to keep them out. They speak of...