she just let go

Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of fear.

She let go of judgements.

She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.

She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice.

She didn’t read a book on how to let go.
She just let go.

She let go of all the memories that held her back.

She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go.

She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.

She made no public announcement.

She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.

She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t utter one word.
She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.

A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

Letting go would come as a form of release, a step towards freedom. Let go of all that old emotional baggage, the past beliefs and conditioning the mind to think differently.

When they don't ask, never breathe a word. Secrets that must be kept between two people of the past because telling a third party is equivalent to being judged despicably.

We all know it hurts but as for now, SUCK IT UP.

Maybe someday when estranged friends meet again as strangers, the memories will come flooding back painfully. But that day won't come too soon, SO JUST LIVE WITH IT.

But what if the heart and mind cannot contain this surge of overpowering emotions? Where would be an alternative outlet for Pain Disposal then?

*****

In other words, I AM INEFFICIENTGIRL92.

On Monday, I went back to school to STUDY. WHICH WAS DAMN FAIL. Cos biz meeting was 3 hours and I fell asleep at 8 and headed home after I woke up.

On Tuesday, I decided to relocate to my brother's room to STUDY. But it was another fail session yet again cos his bed was just too comfy. Haven't slept on an empty bed for so long already. Empty meaning just pillow x2, bolster x1 and comforter x1! Time to clear my bed of the monkeys.

On Wednesday, I woke up at 8 cos I ROLLED/FELL OFF MY BED. Went back to school in an attempt to study BUT STILL FAILED. FaceTimed and showed off my pig and monkeys ^^ I still insist that they're cute hahaha omg but they take up too much space on my bed.

Today, I woke up at noon and did 2 maths papers before heading back to school to study cos I was getting quite inefficient at home. Had a really long and good talk with a friend and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Vented out my unhappiness and it felt good after that (: I camped at the void deck for 1 hour lol cos my parents would get suspicious if I'm on the phone when I reach home haha. Okay heheheh if all is well and goes ahead as planned, I WILL GET A TREAT AFTER FINALS :D

Andddddd I'm reminded of this weird conversation I had with my mum. She was complaining about my brother's female friend who works at the same company as my brother now. My dad got both of them and my sis the jobs. From what I heard, my dad complained to my mum that she's very rude and demanding, like she expects my dad to send her right to her doorstep haha. K anyway, her epic comment was that she and my dad are praying v hard that the girl wouldn't end up as her daughter-in-law. OMG WHERE GOT PARENTS THINK SO FAR AHEAD ONE?!?!? My brother is only sixteen and he isn't even tgt w her! She was his first gf LOL. Tsk my parents think too much! :X